July 19, 2020
First thought upon waking: I miss my family and I see no reason to climb again.
Final thought upon going to sleep: Today was surprising and I learned something about myself.
Craving: Pizza
Time to take down Windom
So I didn’t want to climb today. I was exhausted from every stage of this journey so far. I also felt that if you scaled one of the 14ers here at the basin you basically scaled them all i.e. most of the terrain and views were the same.
This morning we awoke on time and began our climb. Almost immediately, I started to lag behind. I missed my family back home…and this was not a place I could be taking them anytime soon. Its too grueling a journey. Its hard to reach and the upper peaks are not for beginners. If my own fitness wasn’t enough to not become exhausted on this trip, my family’s fitness level isn’t even close. Plus our little girl would need to be carried.
So with all these thoughts running through my head and weighing me down, I just couldn’t pick up the pace. My body was tired as well. I told the group I wouldn’t make it and to go on without me…. They left me behind and I continued to walk at a slower pace.
Whereas yesterday I remarked about all the beauty in my surroundings today my thoughts were completely internalized. I put my head down and took step after painfully slow step. I thought mostly about my family. I also thought about how poor my fitness level is for this type of activity. I thought about how carrying an overloaded backpack caused some of this too. Every now and then I would look up in appreciation, but my head would then go back down to help place foot after foot safely, and continue my internalization. This is not where I like to be, mentally, on a hike.
I did keep moving forward. Step after step and break after wind break I kept moving. Next thing I knew I had reached twin lakes. I kept going. Soon I was heading toward Windom peak. Mentally, if I made it this far I figured I should keep going. So I kept going.
My thoughts turned solely to my family. I had been alone for most of this climb. I didn’t really want to do this sort of thing without them again. I love it dearly, but it’s not the same when your loved ones aren’t with you.
My motivation returned
Step after painful step I continued thinking about my family. Soon I reached the base of Windom mountain. Looking past the beautiful sprawling ice fields afar off in the distance I heard my name being called as if by complete surprise. Up ahead I saw my group lounging on the rocks above me. They had rested and snacked and were surprised to see me after leaving me in their dust a few hours ago. While they zoomed upwards, I had just slowly podded forward without a break and now had caught up with them. A classic tortoise versus hare story.
Over the next few hours our group continued the climb together. I cared not about the steep climb. I cared not about bagging the peak. When I was done climbing I was done climbing, yet I knew if I scaled high enough I would get cell phone service and I could send a few pictures home to my loved ones.
Continuing forward, the peak of Windom turned into a scramble with hands and feet. Route finding became difficult and time consuming. This is not expected from a class 2 climb. The rating is wrong. Boulder after boulder I climbed and as I neared the summit my cell phone lit up. I had queued up a message to my wife earlier, and the picture I wanted to send finally connected and went to her. I was happy. Later that day my wife told me she showed the pic to my daughter. Upon recognizing her daddy she laughed and then cried. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms again.
We continued on to the summit making it to near the spire. I was happy having being able to reach my family. It made the views more enjoyable, but there was no cell service on the peak so I wanted to descent a bit to where I could send another picture or two. As a group, we snapped a few pictures, ate a few protein bars, and declaring success we turned around and began our way back down.
Racing downwards
In typical Chicago Basin fashion the storms arrived around 11 am. My knee began bothering me and, not wanting to injure myself further, we took the descent slow. As the clouds began to encroach, the sky began to grumble. Being exposed on a mountain during a thunderstorm is no ones’ idea of a good time but I wasn’t willing or able to expand the pace. We took a different route down to Twin lakes which lead us over steeper terrain. It was quicker, more direct, but there was more snow and ice to contend with. Before long we made it back to the base. The rain stayed mostly away on our final descent and the thunder gave way as we reached the safety of the treeline below. Uneventfully, We made it back to camp.
Rest before the climb out of the basin
We napped and then began our prep for breaking camp tomorrow. One of my true joys of being out here in the wilderness is holding a prayer service. The unique surroundings add special meaning and there isn’t much on your mind other than being thankful for all you’ve been given. Being tired, the service seemed to pass by quickly. We finished giving thanks to God and then we cooked dinner. Beef stroganoff was on the menu and with the help of a generous dash of red pepper flakes to season it along with a few sips of from the bottle of Irish whiskey I managed to stash in my pack, my body and mind were satisfied. We all pulled out our chairs and good group conversation was had by all. One thing about scaling mountains and other tasks you struggle with as a group together, It creates a strong bond and loosens inhibitions. As a group the conversation become better, lighthearted and jovial after climbing a peak. This is the reason you come out on trips like this. You arrive as a group of individuals and return as a brotherhood.
Final thoughts…
As I mentioned, yesterday’s challenges were all external, all physical. The heavy loads, the bugs, the sore and tired muscles. Today was all mental. It was family, and the fortitude to keep putting one foot in front of the other long after the body told you to stop. In the end, it’s about growth and with that comes perspective. Today was personal. It was all about perspective gained through extraordinary means and even though I’m far away from my family, I felt like a successful father just doing what it takes to send a simple picture home. Hiking for me, isn’t about privilege. It’s also not about finding ones’ self. Its all about perspective, and as such, I encourage all of you to climb and experience what gains struggle can bring.
